Let's talk (1)
On topic (1) : Let's talk ambition, dreams, fear, life, love, like.Sometime soon, I have got to write something about politics. That's beside the point.
Do you know what is my ambition? I have a very funny ambition. I want to hold a job that I love. I want to wake up every morning eager to go to work, whatever work it is. I want to be paid for my hobby.
Sometimes when I write all these down, I want to laugh and cry at the same time. Sometimes it seems so far-fetched. And yet at times, it is what keeps me going. If I don't think about what I want to do in the future, then I will just be another drop of water in the ocean. I will be pushed along in the crowd of people, doing things that others want me to do, hating the job that I hold, be at the beck and call of others. I don't want to be in this crowd.
For a person who has talent, it is so much easier for him/her to achieve what he/she wants. But I don't have the talent. In fact, I think I am considered one of those who pick up certain things very slowly, and then when I pick it up, I only know bits of it. That's why for music that some people can learn and understand the principles behind the playing after 2 - 4 years, I take 6 years to pick up. It's kind of pathetic, isn't it.
I remember when I used to take piano lessons, I am always the slowest to learn in class. My teacher used to pick on me, well , at least that's what I remembered. She used to hit my back. That was in grade 1 I think. When I moved on to grade 2 or 3, another teacher would slap my hand when I played wrongly. In grade 3, another piano teacher (he is by far the best teacher I had) almost fell asleep in the time it took me to figure out and play a piece of music. By the time I finished my grade 1 and 2, I had developed a fear of piano lessons. When I play, it is like a person stuttering. I want to get the notes out, my brain is telling my fingers the rhythm and telling it to move but I just can't get my fingers to move. Now that I think of it, I have coordination problems. I stopped when I passed grade 3.
Ok, that's it, it's too depressing. Now I can't write anything else tonight. I'll put it down another time.
posted by tstar @ 3:39 PM
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