A Replacement to Writing? 2005/2006

failed blood donation; pissed off

I went to school earlier than usual for blood donation. Ended up I am not eligible to donate because I weigh a freaking 43kg. I didn't know that I have to be at least 45kg to donate. Disappointed and already slightly pissed with myself for losing so much weight. I wanted to slap everybody who had that band around their arm after blood donation. (Ok, that is an exaggeration.) I had to walk out of the room right in front of everyone, after I have filled in the form, went to register and finally approached the doctor, who told me I cannot donate because I WEIGH 43KG. Embarrassing. Oh my goodness, where did all my weight go to?? I must start gaining mass. Time to eat and exercise more.

To think I was so nervous. And I even brought my camera to take photos of the needle and it in my arm to gross you guys out.

Anyway I am pissed off for the 2nd time today with my junior. I am so pissed off and so disappointed that my face has a slight flush. And now at 10.12pm, I am again pissed off. For the 3rd time.

My junior, Jiaxing, (I prefer to think of him as a friend since we knew each other for 5 years + already) is a convert from a Buddhist to a Christian. He just converted recently and I respect his religion (apart from the fact that I sometimes run away from christians who try to convert me. I am happy in buddhism so stop trying to get me over.) We have alumni band every friday evening and he has just started his cell group, also on friday evening. I think I have something against christianity, because at this point I was feeling ever so slightly irritated and disappointed.

Let me clarify. Initially I didn't have anything against Christianity, until there seem to be more and more people trying to push christianity. It seems as if christians wanted to force others into their religion, always encouraging people to go for certain church activities. I don't understand why, really. It kind of freaked me out because they used to stop you along the roads and then start explaining about Jesus and the bridge between us and Him or something like that. To me, it became commercialisation. The selling of a religion, and I didn't like that. I didn't want to be like that. I like Buddhism because it doesn't seek to convert others. If others are happy where they are, then ok. There are many other reasons anyway. I read up on it liked what it taught. In the past, I used to fear Christianity because I didn't want to convert. Or rather, it was because I was afraid I WOULD convert. My faith in Buddhism wasn't that strong yet and my knowledge about Buddhism was little. Comparatively, I knew more about Christianity than Buddhism. But recently, I have been reading buddhism up for a bit and I like what it says. I am not saying that Christianity is no good, it is just that I feel comfortable where I am, so please don't try to convert me. Thank you.

What am I doing?! I am going out of point.

Ok, the main point is that, I am pissed off. Yes. The last time I asked him, he said that he will confirm and then tell me, so yesterday I SMSed him to ask him again if he would be able to make it. Remember that he has cell group on friday, which is the same day and time as our practices. He replied today that he would confirm and then later on SMSed to say that he would play if there is really an urgent for him to do so. I didn't reply him because I was irritated. Do I really have to repeat myself? (Shit, now I can't remember how many times I told him we need players and the parts that are available. I give him the benefit of the doubt and decide that it is partly my fault. Ok, that calms me down a bit.) Anyway the reason I was irritated was because he chose to go for cell group instead of playing with us for one friday night and then on saturday. Damn, is it so serious to skip one cell group? Christians, please enlighten me on this.

Later on at night he asked if it is really urgent for him to play. I told him what parts were available and all that stuff and, if my memory does not fail me, I also told him that I would prefer the snare and bass to be played separately and LY needs help with the accessories. The order of messages are probably wrong, but the content is there. He then asked for the times because he "needs to make arrangements". I gave it to him and he later asked if the drumset part is taken, to which I replied that yes, Yizhen is playing it unless he wants it and she would happily give it up to him.
He replied, "I don't want to snatch parts. Haha. If she can cope well then don't need me le ba. Right?"
Do I have to REPEAT myself? We have other parts that we need people in...
Utterly pissed off at this point, I messaged back, "wah lao, doesn't mean we dun need ppl for accessories and play snare and bass wif me right? we need a timp player too..." Something to that extent.
To which he replied, "but i cannot play timp and it is a bit unworth to give up my cell grp for an accessory part. haha." I wanted to slap him at this point. Selective reading ah? Snare and Bass ok? I need help ok?
I was so angry that I replied, "okok, got the point... nvm, u go for cell grp.. please, nxt time if u dun wan then juz tell me straight, dun b hesitant ok? enjoy urself! c u soon"
Gosh, now that I read it, I sound so cheery. No wonder he didn't sense that I was angry.

Besides being angry, I felt disappointed. Angry at him for going one big round before telling me indirectly that he really don't want to play, and angry at myself for getting angry at this.
Pearlin kept telling me not to be angry, Yizhen used the emoticon to pat my head and told me to cool down while LY was equally pissed when she got through the whole thing.

Disappointed that he would not be playing with us and that he put his cell group before us. (Aren't I big-headed?) I am also disappointed that he thinks, I quote LY, "like percussion only improtant thing is drumset".
So my face is flushed and I think I might be catching the flu bug again, which means fever.

I will most probably still be pissed tomorrow and on saturday itself. I will probably still be pissed, the next time I see him. Friends, don't talk to me about that matter or try to tell me to cool down. I will cool down, I usually do, after I have thought it out. After he speaks to me and I have screamed at him, that is. Exaggeration there. We'll see how it turns out.

The next time I felt pissed off, is when I asked Kwan Hwee online if he would like to play on saturday because we were short of people and all that stuff. He didn't reply at all, despite having talked to me for a bit before that.

Gosh, what is happening to the guys? Cat got your tongue?

Anyway, let's do our best on Saturday, yar? Every performance counts.

(Note: Views on Christianity and Buddhism are solely mine and does not represent the whole community of Buddhists. Any offensive remarks, if any, are not written to anger others. They merely reflect my impression. I do not have anything against Christianity, ok? Please read my above paragraph carefully.)

posted by tstar @ 9:58 PM