??
I was looking at her pictures in friendster that day. Fake, fake fake. Why like that? Did I love her in the past? Love as in L-O-V-E? Or was it just... a different kind of love? I don't know, and I find that it isn't that important anymore. Time heals everything, no matter how long it takes. Yet I still find pleasure at receiving her greetings and concern, albeit at a decreasing rate.Do I love her now? No. Not as much as before.
Did I love her in the past? Yes. No. I don't know.
If my present answer depends on my answer in the past, then what is the answer to my first question?
I thought I would feel sad forever, but I didn't. What did I feel towards her in the past? Was it guilt? Regret? Perhaps, or perhaps more.
A more light-hearted question: Am I a bisexual? =D I don't know either. Sometimes I look at a girl and I think how pretty and unique she is, I want to hold her.
Like the way I want to hold HER. I still want to hold her. I have dreamt of doing the unthinkable with her. Don't ask me why! I don't KNOW why!
Because I'm not the sporty type (although I'd very much like to be) I am sometimes attracted to females who are sporty. The sentence explains itself. I am probably attracted to them because I want something that they have and I don't have. On the other hand, sometimes I just feel like protecting the weaker ones. Is it because I feel insecure inside, so I need to "protect" somebody in order to feel better about myself? Maybe, but I don't FEEL insecure. I feel fine, sometimes daring.
Am I sick in the mind? Nah, I don't think so. I can't be.
I hope not.
Suddenly the question doesn't seem so light-hearted, does it?
Don't view me differently, my friends. I am still me. Only that I have put down what is in me. So now you know what I consist. Like a what is in a chemical formula, the nucleons of an atom, the ingredients that make up a cake. Haha, too much of Brave New World (chemical formula), physics (nucleons of an atom) and Yizhen's blog (which contributed to the cake part).
posted by tstar @ 12:15 PM
<< Home